Wednesday, 8 December 2010

A Scientific List Of The Top 10 Digimon

Disclaimer: Our insanely qualified team of researchers has slaved painstakingly for countless hours in our state of the art laboratories to bring you the following data – that is, when they weren’t braving the back breaking, agonising conditions of fieldwork in the Digital World. Let me be the first to assure you that the following list is %100 factual. Don’t insult the researchers by claiming that it’s fabricated – or worse, simply subjective opinion. Doctor Smith would be turning in his grave if he found out that that was how people treated the findings he gave his life for.
I emphasise that this list is correct, regardless of what you may hear from other, less trustworthy sources. Our team had credibility that the others could only dream of. There is no reason for you not to believe this list.
And of course this list only includes Digimon from Adventure 01 and Adventure 02. The team wasn’t going to dirty their hands sifting through the other series. It’s not worth it. However, it must be noted that these are definitely not the only awesome digimon to be found. Some digimon are fantastic and only just missed out on getting a spot, including but not limited to Tentomon, Patamon, Puppetmon, Kabuterimon, Devimon, Elecmon and Poyomon.
On to what our research has found.
Number Ten: Myotismon.
Just try arguing with that cape. It’s not going to happen. It’s impossible. No cape that cool can be argued with by a mere human. You’re not even one of the Digidestined. What are you even doing here? He’s not looking for you. Leave him alone. If you don’t, he’s going to have to bite you. He’s done it before, too. It’s totally canon. Remember on that TV where the news reporter said that many young females had been felled by sudden anaemia? We all know that’s a lie. Myotismon got ‘em. Look at those fangs. Myotismon is both a digimon and a vampire. Basically, he’s cooler than you. His shoes are cooler than you, as is his smirk.
Also, does his outfit remind you of someone? Don’t tell me you can’t see it, guys. Don’t lie to yourself any longer. Clearly, Myotismon is better than you. And guess what? You’re now aware that he’s only at position number ten in this list.
Say goodbye to your self esteem, kiddies.
Number Nine: Garurumon.
Garurumon is not going to hurt you. He’s a pretty cool, chill guy, so don’t worry. Unless, of course, Matt Ishida wants to hurt you, in which case you’re totally boned. For the sake of this list though, I’m going to assume you’re not stupid enough to make that happen. Whether or not you actually are is irrelevant right now.
Now, Garurumon is in here because he’s badass, not gonna lie. You can’t go too far wrong with a blue and white wolf with a lion’s mane. Okay, that’s a lie, you could probably go very badly wrong with it, but Garurumon sure can’t. Plus, he shoots blue stuff out of his mouth. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?
Number Eight: Leomon.
This guy’s a lion. But he’s bipedal. And he has spiked knuckles. And pants. His main attack is called ‘FIST OF THE BEAST KING’. I repeat, he is the user of the FIST OF THE BEAST KING. I dare you to find something to criticise about that. It’s just about the best attack name ever (although it does pale in comparison to Digimon Number One of this list, naturally). This is a fact. Leomon is awesome. I don’t know how else to say it. His pants are better than your pants, too. That much is obvious to the naked eye, but I thought it needed to be said anyway.
Number Seven: Greymon.
He’s a dinosaur with a skull for a helmet. Also, he breathes fire. Need I say more?
Number Six: Frigimon.
Frigimon is macho and he knows it. Who else can construct an ice bridge across the ocean by punching it in the face? Manifesting a bridge out of water is no mean feat, guys. It’s nothing to sneeze at. Only the Abominable Snowbear seems to be able to do it. I, for one, commend him for his efforts.
He commends himself, too. Every few minutes, his joyous, triumphant cry of ‘FRIGIMON’ can be heard. Frigimon’s no fool – he knows that this war-cry benefits those around him. His allies are thankful for it. A little known fact is that when Frigimon shouts his name to the heavens, his teammates stats are boosted by %33 a piece.
It’s true, you know.
Number Five: Gabumon.
How many digimon can say that they’ve gotten naked for the sake of justice? Gabumon can. He got naked in the snow to save a friend. And then do you know what he did? He laughed about it. That’s right; he’s that hardcore that getting naked in the snow doesn’t even faze him. He’s not just a ‘Saint Bernard with a horn on his head’ (although that alone is fantastically cool); he’s a blue and white ice shooting Saint Bernard with a horn on his head and four working arms. Yeah, you heard me. Four of them. If he wanted to, he could be a world class piano player (that gets naked in the snow and doesn’t afraid of anything). Gabumon would be a much better pianist than you. He could totally be a part of Matt Ishida’s band and help bring them to worldwide fame. That would be awesome. This is also a fact.
And I haven’t even mentioned whatever that pink stuff on his belly is. Anyone got any ideas? It’s likely that it’s a scripture containing the secrets of the universe and that Gabumon has been carefully selected picked as their sole guardian. I’d trust Gabumon with something as powerful as that. We all would.
Number Four: Piedmon.
Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a highly trained team of researchers that went to the Digital World to determine who the best digimon were. They found many cool digimon but all but four of them sucked in comparison to Piedmon. YOU LOSE THE END. HA.
See, even after decades of painstaking research, we are still unable to fully mirror Piedmon’s enrapturing style of storytelling. What’s not to like about him? There’s so much to love. His charisma, his way with words, his impeccable fashion sense and his confidence are all abundantly clear to even the most blockheaded of onlookers.
Pictured: Impeccable fashion sense.
We’re getting down to the business end of this countdown, so you shouldn’t be surprised to learn that there are many things about Piedmon that deserve special mention. Though I haven’t done them justice, I’ll stop writing about his stories because, come on, I’m never going to do them justice. They’re enthralling. The next thing I would like to mention is his slow, self assured strut towards the Digidestined when they turn up at his fortress at the peak of Spiral Mountain. This contains spoilers, so if you’re worried about that, the best course of action for you to take would be to watch the first forty five or so episodes of Digimon Adventure 01. It’s for your benefit, anyway.
What happens is this: most of the Digidestined, after having defeated the other three Dark Masters (one of whom was Puppetmon, who just barely missed out on a place in this list) make it to the highest peak of Spiral Mountain. Piedmon sends out Ladydevimon to dispose of them, but she gets stuck in a catfight with Angewomon and is duly pwnt. Seeing that his Dragon has been disposed of, Piedmon decides it’s time for him to personally come out and greet them.
Does he run up to them, trying to take advantage of the element of surprise? No. Does he attack at the nearest opportunity? No. He just walks. He walks up to them at his own pace, grinning the whole way there. That, my friends, while strategically not the best of ideas, is badass. Chances are that this even worked as a form of psychological weapon. He may or may not have intended it this way – while I’m sure Piedmon is intelligent enough to think of this, I have a sneaking suspicion that he was just chill. He didn’t care about the Digidestined. They were no threat to him.
Then there’s what he does to those he defeats in combat. In the olden days of the world, heads on pikes weren’t completely unheard of. Piedmon, in my ever humble opinion, goes one better. He doesn’t feel the need to hack bits off to be terrifying. Nope, he just turns them into keychains. Not only is this its own brand of Nightmare Fuel, it’s also darkly funny. He can horrify you and have a sense of humour about it.
Guys, Piedmon is awesome. I don’t even care that he got defeated. He’s one of the best villains ever.
Number Three: Angemon.
Did you know that Angemon was originally planned to be the climax of the original Digimon Adventure 01 series?
You may notice that each arc of 01 is split into neat little 13 episode sections, with the two episode finale at the end. The first thirteen episodes are the Devimon arc. After that is the Server Continent arc, which revolves around Etemon. Next is Myotismon’s arc, the one where we are formally introduced to Kari and Gatomon. The last arc is the one with the Dark Masters (which is essentially an excuse to showcase Piedmon ad possibly Puppetmon. The other two Masters kind of sucked). This was because Digimon was originally planned as a thirteen episode series. Apparently they failed at that, because the Digimon franchise turned out to be wildly successful and is still around today. Even if his appearance didn’t turn out to help create an awesome finale as was originally intended, Angemon still explodes onto the scene and rocks it.
No one was surprised when Patamon turned out to digivolve into something so powerful and great, but that doesn’t matter. Surprise was never the issue. The fact is that his appearance was still a powerful thing. We were all happy for Patamon when he turned all big and wise and blond and powerful. Don’t deny it. You were cheering him on.
His attack also happens to be awesome. Hand of Fate? Awesome, awesome. The way he totally looks out for TK and is willing to sacrifice himself for the kid doesn’t hurt, either. Angemon is an all-round good guy and that wins him tons of points. While is original appearance is still quite amazing, the next few times he shows up are no less fantastic. Although there were times in the series when I started thinking “come on guys, just digivolve Patamon already”, in retrospect I am able to see that the rarity of him showing up helped to make him special.
Number Two: Etemon.
THIS MON IS THE KING.
Etemon is memorable. A monkey based off of Elvis Presley – we’re onto a winner already. Now add the fact that he’s put the whole continent of Server under the constant surveillance of his dark network to the awesome Etemon train he happens to own. Awestruck yet?
Did I mention his sunglasses?
The persona is not the only great thing about him. Although he does get defeated before the halfway point of the series, Etemon is one tough cookie. Throughout his arc, he harangues the Digidestined, chasing them across Server with the help of his ability to find their location with some accuracy with his dark network. Another warning for spoilers coming up. Seriously guys, just watch the entire series already. It’s worth it
So! When the time comes for him to be gotten out of the way for a while, it takes a few episodes to do it. Greymon finally digivolves into Wargreymon – the most powerful digimon partner yet. Due to a couple of bitch moves from Datamon, the universe kind of starts wobbling and throwing a tantrum, which results in Tai and Wargreymon (who promptly de-digivolves to Koromon) being thrown back into the Real World. At the same time, Etemon and Datamon are thrown into a rift in the very fabric of existence that would make a hardened Eldritch Abomination cry. They are thrown in there alive.
Etemon was never defeated.
He came back better. He came back metal. Metaletemon turned up in the Dark Masters arc and was only taken down by Leomon’s digivolved form, who was also deleted in this battle. Let me make this perfectly clear; after being thrown into Digimon’s equivalent of Glitch City and merging with what appears to be a canon Missingno, not only did Etemon come back, but he came back better.
How is that not awesome?
Number One: Gomamon.

Don’t argue with me on this one, you won’t get anywhere. Gomamon is clearly the best digimon ever. He’s just so happy all the time. How can he be that happy without arms? It must be because he’s made of greatness. He doesn’t even really have an offensive attack, but he doesn’t let that stop him. ‘Marching Fishes’ has saved multiple asses on multiple occasions, including the very first episode. If it weren’t for Gomamon calling all of his fish buddies to the surface, everyone would have drowned and died after ten minutes.
We owe the entire series to Gomamon. Fact.
I mean, he’s just great. I can’t really add much to this. Nothing I could say – positive or otherwise – could hope to live up to his greatness. No matter how much glowing praise I tried to lay on him, I could never get close to summarising his overall fabulosity. No one could. He’s Gomamon, he’s great and he’s saved everyone.
I don’t need to say any more. If you disagree, you are wrong.
Rachel’s opinion is always fact. Signing off.

16 comments:

  1. This article should replace the entire Digimon Wiki for great justice.

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  2. The Digimon Wiki looks like srs bsns, I'm not game enough to mess with it.

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. overall a list full of win (that had me laughing out loud and sometimes uncontrollably at multiple points) and I commend you for your complete devotion to truth.

    juuuust one thing though...Greymon digivolves to metalgreymon to defeat etemon, not wargreymon...because wargreymon is his mega form. Don't mean to nag :O!

    still, powerfully conceived. Those researchers who gave their lives would be proud.

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  5. Ahaha, thank you! I aim to please :P

    Dang, you're right about that. I'll have to fix that as soon as my internet decides to not be a butt. Thanks for pointing that out! :)

    Every one of the researchers would've thought their sacrifice was worth it if they knew they'd made you happy. You've validated all their work.

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  6. No way
    Devimon is best
    remember that one of the digimon DIED killing him
    angemon died remember
    and when devimon came back he caused kimeramon to go out of control
    so for these reasons devimon is best

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  7. You can all F**K off as Gomamon deserves no praise and Gabumon should be no where near this list.
    1-Gargomon HE HAS GUNS AS HANDS
    2-Wargreymon He played football with a piece of building to defeat one of the most powerful digimon ever
    3-Gallantmon He is a kick-ass knight
    4-SkullGreymon KICK-ASS SKELETON WITH A MISSLE ON HIS BACK
    5-Angemon If not for him then Devimon would have killed them, and MetalGarurumon never would have excisted
    6-Omnimon Shut up and back down
    7-Imperialmon Paladin Mode He killed Armageddonmon
    8-RizeGreymon Gun as an arm!
    9-Darkdramon If you've seen him then you can't deny that he is LEGEND
    10-Magnamon Golden Armor and super powerful missiles

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  8. I just wish Wizardmon and Puppetmon were on the top ten list :( they were my personal favorites.
    I was glad to see frigimon and Piedmon though, they were awesome too :)

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  9. Ha gamon or wat ever his name is u cant judge whos the best by looks or atitude besides wargraymon is the best end of store thank u

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  10. True. Complete garbage and the originator obviously knows nothing of Digimon.

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  11. ZeedMillenniummon. End of discussion.

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  12. Your information on gabumon is so incorrect I shit my pants. One he was fazed by the col and did not laugh about it, he got a cold. Two he shoots fire. 3 two of his arms are part of the pelt he wears, he can't use them

    You've made my life hell

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  13. imperialdramon paladin mode should be number one, gomamon isn't even always happy and im pretty sure most of them can swim so gomamon didnt save them at all, plus he is weak, if any rookie deserves to be at the top it is tentomon.

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  14. Agumon deserves to be in top spot.. you are talking about how happy gomamon is..
    But just like Tai, Agumon was the driving force for all digimon.. He is spontaneous, yet so cool minded..
    Remember when a minion of puppetmon(I dont remember its name) manipulated Matt to fight Tai and metalgarurumon continuously attcaked agumon? Agumon never retaliated until he reached out for Tai. You dont simply sit back and defend while a mega digimon is on your ass...
    I really love agumon and he deserves a spot!

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